


Tiemcock Tiem

by nostalgia



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, I'm Not Ashamed, M/M, biological horror, hungry penis, inspired by garth marenghi, really kind of horrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-25
Updated: 2014-04-25
Packaged: 2018-01-20 17:49:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1519703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgia/pseuds/nostalgia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Influenced by Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. Horror/slash/epic/alien biology. (AKA "The one where the Doctor's penis eats Jack.")</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tiemcock Tiem

Jack had wanted to get a look at the Doctor's bits ever since that first meeting when the Doctor was relatively horrid to him in that seductive way he had back then. It wasn't the only bit he wanted to see, and sadly that particular cock was now replaced by a new one, but Jack had priorities. And that priority(ies) was cock.

This. THIS. This was his chance. Here, in the Torchwood mens' toilets. Finally he'd get to check out the Doctor's cock and see how it, as the phrase went, measured up.

"Hi," said the Doctor, walking in and being hit by the stench. He should be grateful they'd built a gents recently rather than just using that big fountain thing in the middle of the Hub. (Nowadays Jack only used that for shagging people up the bum. Against. Shagging people against it, up the bum.)

"Hey," leered Jack. Jack leered about one in every eight sentences, even when he didn't mean to appear sexy. It was a curse and a talent, combined somehow as one. But he wanted to leer at this point. He pissed as sexily as possible as the Doctor walked over to the communal urinal thing that they had at Torchwood.

"You could use a cleaner in here," said the Doctor as he unzipped his trousers and reached in to locate and extract his manfruit.

"It's hard to get help these days who have enough security clearance," conversed Jack. They were talking as men do under such circumstances, where they were displaying a masculine bond of friendship but not doing anything too gay. Even though Jack was. Gay, that is. Jack was half gay. Was the Doctor? That will be revealed in due course, but not in this installment so don't get your hopes up.

Jack arranged his eyes in the manner best to look at the Doctor's cock without making it obvious. The only hint of obviousness was the raging erection that he'd developed from the moment that skinny alien had arrived to get his meat out. Jack pointed it in a flaccid direction and forced piss out from the piss-hole. He winced, but he was manly enough to stand that sort of shame and pain.

Finally, paragraphs after his arrival, the Doctor got his cock out. Jack stole a heated glance and then turned with his mouth wide like when he was waiting to accept a load of that stuff that comes out of one of those things.

The Doctor saw the line of Jack's stare and followed it with his eyes up to where Jack's own eyes were. Their eyes were met.

The Doctor shrugged. "I don't think much of yours either."

Jack licked his lips because even in this sort of situation he had his manly half-gay needs. "I had no idea. How did you keep that hidden in those tight pinstripes of yours?"

The Doctor demonstrated. "It's retractable, and the tentacles close up like so. The spiky bits are more of a problem, but they do flatten a bit when I'm not pissing or aroused."

Jack could no longer help himself, and he fell to his knees before the Doctor, dodging the piss. "Let me caress it with my mouth," he begged.

The Doctor finished pissing and shook it more or less dry. Then he took a scented Kleenex from his pocket and wiped it so it was more ready for Jack to do his business with it. "Okay," he said with none chalance.

Jack pushed his face, his own face, to the thing that hung between the Doctor's legs.

Suddenly the tentacles grabbed Jack. Jack thought this was a bit much, but was half-gay and prepared to go along with it. He only started to think again when the spikes skewered the inside of his mouth and then the cock started to go into his throat with equal spikiness.

Jack made a noise and the Doctor patted his probably-real hair. "Don't worry," said the Doctor, "just think of England or America or some planet you're from."

Jack struggled as the tentacles gripped his throat from the outside and the spikes gripped it from the inside. Suddenly an extra bit appeared and went up his nose to his brain.

Even more suddenly a suction began and Jack felt his brain being sucked out. Brainless he continued to fight against the cock, but more and more of him was absorbed.

Finally there was nothing left of Jack but hair and toenails and fingernails and one ear. The left one.

The Doctor put his cock away, burped and patted his stomach contentedly. He'd really needed that. And he was an alien.


End file.
